Potato Quest!
by Dr.Nacho
Summary: Sasha and Connie and Eren and Mikasa go on a potato quest to make Sasha the Potato Goddess! Alot of crack and fluff. Springles and Eremika everywhere! And Sasha X Potato. But not like THAT just like a unhealthy obsession and you know I should stop. Rated T for now but might eventually go to M because I am the apprentice of Jirayia.
1. Chapter 1

_Ok so I got bored and decided to go with this idea I had. So, in this story Sasha decides to go on a quest to find the ultimate potato and become the new potato god(ess). She drags along Connie and Eren and Mikasa because they had the (un)fortunate pleasure of being the first people she saw. Springles and Eremika Lots of crack and insanity. If you dislike randomness, fluff, random fluff, and Sasha's potato obsession don't read._

 _Unstoppable Nachos (I really need to change my name...)_

 _Disclaimer: I don't own AoT, Naruto,Halo,Mortal Kombat, or Harry Potter. They all belong to their respective owners (Hell everything except AoT only appears in this chapter so :3)_

It was 4:00 in the morning. Sasha woke up, surrounded by half eaten potatoes. Business as usual. She got up, went to the bathroom and began to brush her teeth. When she was finished, she walked back to clean up her bed. She noticed her Mr. Potato doll on the floor covered in potato crumbs. "Oh Mr. Potato, how did you get all of that potato on you?" she said, cleaning him off. Connie walks into the room yelling at the top of his lungs "JEAN JUST GOT REJECTED BY MIKASA AGAIN! HAH!" They both started laughing and rolling on the floor. Poor Jean has been trying to get with Mikasa ever since he met her. Out of nowhere, a black portal opens. A guy, dressed in a black trench coat with a matching black suit, tie and fedora stepped out. "You are Sasha Braus correct?" Sasha, trembling now, nodded. The mysterious figure then began searching his pockets. A Well worn book titled Icha Icha Paradise fell out. "No, wrong universe." Then, several plastic containers with the words Halo 3 and Mortal Kombat X fell out. "You are not ready for this technology." he said, still fumbling through his pockets. Then, a large book titled Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollow fell out. "GOD DAMNIT HOW DID I EVEN FIT THAT IN MY POCKETS?!" He then pulled out a bag of potato chips called Unstoppable Nachos which Sasha stole and ate. "GIVE THOSE BACK! THEY AREN'T MEANT FOR KIDS!" But it was too late. Sasha suddenly felt like throwing up. "One sec! The Potatoes are coming back!" and she ran to the bathroom to throw up. Both the mysterious figure and Connie sweat dropped. "AHA! I FINALLY FUCKING FOUND IT! THE PLOT CAN ADVANCE NOW! I MEAN FUCK! YOU DIDNT HEAR THAT OK?" The figure said, pulling out a little red book. "When your future girlfriend comes out the bathroom ,give this to her." he handed Connie the book. Then, he opened up another portal, and said "Ill make you a pervert yet Naruto!" and left.

About half an hour later, Sasha was done throwing up all the potatoes she ate. "I'm hungry Connie! Go find me some potatoes!" Connie bonked her on the head and said "Do you not care about that dude? Where the fuck did he come from? What the hell is a Naruto? And what is this-" He held up the book "for?" Sasha noticed a potato on the cover. She grabbed it instantly. "Maybe it's the secret to unlimited potatoes!" She read the first page. "The prophecy of the Potato Goddess?" she said, and kept reading.

 _"If you are reading this, you are the last member of an extraordinary species. The Potato Beings were a race of highly advanced, highly potato addicted beings. They were the top of the food chain until humans realized they could eat the potato beings and they were all consumed by them. The main family of potato eaters were the Braus family. However, it is rumored that potato beings, in a desperate bid to save their people, mated with humans to create a hybrid species. Only these hybrids can read this book. Every twelve years, a new potato god/goddess is selected. He/She, with the band of heroes who come along with them, must go on a quest to the Potato Kingdom of Spudderns to gain the power of the potato gods before them. You must find your must trusted friends to accompany you. The quest will be dangerous. It also has the added benefit of finding the one you will be with for all eternity. Be warned, there are others who will attempt to steal the power of the potato. You must defend it with your life. The first place you must go is Bacconopolis, the center of the Bacon Overlord. He will guide you to the next step of your journey."_

Sasha and Connie were very shocked. Connie because some person teleported into the barracks and gave them a crazy book for a even crazier quest with a even crazier reward. Sasha was shocked because there was a potato god/goddess and that she was selected to go on the quest. "Sasha, I think the best thing to do is to bury this book and pretend this never happend." Connie said, and Sasha stood still. "Connie, ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE? A QUEST TO BECOME THE RULER OVER ALL POTATOES! IT WILL BE THE GREATEST ADVENTURE EVER! PLUS I'LL FIND THE ONE IM SUPPOSED TO BE WITH FOR ALL ETERNITY! DONT YOU WANT THAT FOR ME?" Sasha said, with a insane/evil look in her eye. Connie was shaking, and he thought ' _I hope its me.'_ Sasha then ran out the barracks, looking for two other people to go with her and Connie.

She was running down the hall when she heard strange noises coming from the gas room. She opened the door and saw Eren and Mikasa making out like crazy. Eren and Mikasa both had no shirts, and it looked like things were about to get interesting. Sasha fake coughed. They both jumped up and started putting on their shirts. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT SASHA?" they both yelled, with huge blushes on their faces. "I was going to ask if you want to go on a potato quest with me. I can become the goddess of potatoes! I can also find the one im going to be with for all eternity!" They both quietly said "Connie." Sasha waited for about half a second before asking "So are you in?" They thought about it. An excuse to get away from Jean, which was always a good thing. Mikasa could knock out both Sasha and Connie so she and Eren could have 'private time' They both looked at each other and nodded. "Sure we'll go along." Sasha ran over and hugged them both. "YAY! LETS GO GET CONNIE SO WE CAN GET STARTED!" She grabbed them both by the hand and ran to the room.

Connie was packing, because Sasha would inevitably force him to go with her. "CONNIE START PACKING! EREN AND MIKASA SAID THEY'LL GO WITH US!" Connie quietly whispered "Why me?"

So what do you guys think about my epic crack fic? It will be filled with the most random insane comedy my slightly insane mind can come up with! Rate and Review and if you hate I'll send over my squad of Nacho Death Androids to destroy you! MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH Ok bye now! :3


	2. Chapter 2

I Clawed my way out of hell to give you all this update. It has been some time, hasn't it? Did you all miss me? No? Ok then fuck you! I'm back anyway! So, in this chapter, more pure insane comedy will come out! It shall flow like a river of bacon grease! Actually, now that I think about that, wouldn't that be kind of slow? Well, now I know what I want to do. Gather enough bacon grease to form a river, then see how fast it flows compared to an actual river! As to where i've been, I've been dead. Seriously. Im a zombie now. It's going to be like that one tv show I dont watch that everyone likes. Whatever. Let the Potato Quest begin!

===LINE BREAK====

It's been about a week after Sasha and her merry band of mi-I mean friends went on their adventure. They were currently in the town, looking for directions to Bacconopolis . Of course, the people who they asked thought they were completely insane and needed mental help. But then, Sasha had a brilliant idea "Let's look in the book he gave us!" she yelled out, and Connie sweat dropped. "You didn't think of that BEFORE we went around asking people?" he shouted, and she hit him on the top of the head with the book. "Silence mortal! I am the potato goddess, embodiment of all things potato! You shall respect the power of the great potato!" she exclaimed, a bright look in her eyes as she attracted attention of people around her. Connie quickly moved to cover her mouth "Sasha SHUT UP! Your making a scene!" He then felt something wet on his hand. "D-di-Did you just fucking lick me?" he asked, shocked. Sasha nodded and said "Your hand smelled like food. Are you hiding food from me, Connie?" she asked, darkly. Connie got really scared (Me in the background: Wuss!) and said "n-no Sasha, Oh Great Potato goddess, I do not have food! I swear on the great root or whatever!" he said quickly, on his hands and knees. Sasha bonked him on the head again, yelling out "ITS GREAT POTATO YOU IDIOT! GET IT RIGHT OR DONT SAY IT AT ALL! " Eren and Mikasa, who were about to sneak off to abandoned building when Sasha said "Come on guys! We need to get going or else someone else could discover the quest, and beat us there! Mikasa, attempting to be the voice of reason said "That's not very likely. I mean, what are the odds of someone else getting the exact same man giving the exact same que-" she was cut off when a portal opened above her head and the man who gave Sasha and Connie the quest fell on Mikasa.

As he tried to get up, he noticed who was beneath him and said "Weird, I didn't read any hentai before I came here." he then saw Sasha and her friends and said "Oh yeah! I almost forgot! You're going to need this!" He opened his bag, labled, plot devices, and pulled out a weird mask, a gun, a bag of weed, a red box labled "Pocky", some dirty magazines (Mikasa picked these up, hoping to get new Ideas from them.) and finally pulled out a map. "AHA! I FOUND IT! IM NOT A BAD AUTH-I MEAN MYSTERIOUS INDIVIDUAL WHO DOESN'T CONTROL EACH AND EVERYONES LIVES AND THOUGHTS!" He threw the rolled up map towards Sasha, and she pushed Connie in front of her and made it hit him in the head. "Good job meat shield!" she says, stepping over his body, which was sprawled out on the ground. He groaned and uttered a weak "Fuck you!" and the author said "You will in a chapter or two." None of them heard this, and Sasha said "Thanks for the map Mr...Uh what do we call you?" The man in the trench coat took a minute before replying with "Call me Mr. P Lot." He chuckled at his own cleverness, then picked up all the stuff he dropped. "Have any of you all seen some dirty magazines around here? I was sure they were in this bag somewhere..." He said before opening another portal, unconcerned. As he stepped in he yelled, "NO NARUTO! FUCK THEM BOTH!". He then left, and Connie yelled "WHAT THE HELL IS A NARUTO?" Eren, who was oddly silent the whole time said "I think it means fishcake. Mikasa, your Japanese, what does Naruto mean?" Mikasa looked at him and said "OK You Racist, just cause I look Asian doesn't mean i'm Japanese!" Eren facepalmed before saying "I've lived with you for most of my life, you even said you were Japanese idiot!" Mikasa became silent for a second and said "Oh. Shit, your right. Well, it does mean fishcake but it could also mean maelstrom. I don't know." Connie was about to add his two cents when Sasha pushed him into a cart of bricks (Ouch.) and said "THATS NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW! Whats important is that we get to Bacconopolis! And apparently its right... uh..." she hesitated before saying "Its apparently in Eren's basement." Eren and Mikasa looked at each other and said "THATS WHY IT ALWAYS SMELLED LIKE HEAVEN DOWN THERE!" Eren then said "I always thought he was making meth." They all looked at him for a second and he said "What, a Doctor, a wife, a kid, a basement, a 'lab in the basement, its just like Breaking Bad." Mikasa looked at him for a second and said "Have you ever seen Breaking Bad?" Eren replied with "No, but I've read the description on Netflix!" Connie facepalmed and said "WE DONT HAVE NETFLIX! WE DONT EVEN HAVE ELECTRICITY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Eren and Mikasa both looked at him like he grew a second head and thought "Oh shit he's right."

As the group rented two rooms in an inn for the night, Eren and Mikasa said "Don't come in our room. We're going to be busy tonight." Connie moaned and said "OH GOD DAMNIT! I CAN NEVER GET ANY SLEEP WITH THEM AROUND!" And Sasha, being the innocent potato loving person she is, asked "Why? What could they be doing that keeps you awake?" Connie sighed and said "I'll tell you when you're older Sasha." She angrily replied "I'm older than you jackass!" He looked at her for a minute and said "Are you really?"She was confused for a second, then replied with "Im not sure, but in the fanfic I am!". In the distance, a wall could be heard breaking. Connie facepalmed at Sasha's... Sashaness and said "Whatever, let's go to sleep. This absolutely retarded quest can't possibly get any wor-" as he walked in the room, he noticed there was one bathroom and one bed. "Fuck my life." he said, then realized he could 'accidentally' walk in on Sasha taking a shower. "Score one for the C." he whispered, then said "Oh god, I did not just say that." He then plopped on the bed, not bothering to change. He opened his sack that he brought, and saw it was filled to the brim with potatoes. "Sasha. WHERE. IS.

.?" He asked her, getting angry. Sasha looked at him for second, before replying with "I traded them for potatoes in the market." Connie cried for a bit, then said "Fuck it im going to sleep." He then passed out, tired of dealing with the cloud of bullshit that seemed to follow him whenever he hung out with Sasha. Well that, and all the not-so-repressed sexual feelings he has towards her. But he could hide those. With a bottle of lotion. Which was in the bag.

A loud resounding FUCK was heard through the town that night.

==LINE BREAK==

SO, HOW DID YOU LIKE THE CHAPTER? DID YOU LOVE IT? HATE IT? THREW A POTATO AT IT? I DONT KNOW! PLEASE RATE AND REVIEW! YAY! IM BACK!


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